Sameed and I were chatting today and somehow we came onto the topic of Robert Pattison. Apparently now some chick is gonna make a documentary about how difficult it is to be him. Well you might think, "yeah right, how difficult it is to be a sensation among girls of all age especially when it comes to dating..." You're wrong actually. It is very very very troublesome. According to Sameed the guy had to escape in disguise from shooting sets and places to get women off his back.
Me, being so brilliantly intelligent and creative and all [I CAN blow my own trumpet on MY blog], thought of ways to relieve him of his troubles. If he or any of the other Hollywood heartthrobs [male only] need help they can refer to the following or kiss my ass[which as Sameed mentioned is Perfect].
- He can become Gay.
If he turns gay, then gals will lose their hopes of scoring with him. Every girl, in the deep inner depths of their mind, wanna totally sleep with him. If he reveals his interest is conflicting [and disgusting] then they might become less of a problem.
Advantage - When girls lose hope, they become clingy to whatever person is near them. If you're near, its your day!!
Disadvantages - Like Sameed said, girls like gay men. They tend to become best friends and if there is a strong will power included [If girls decide on a guy, he'll be hers on the exact time and date she sets with her best friends....or when her period stops] she'll turn him straight.
When girls hear he's gay, they'll be heartbroken and might try suiciding, thereby reducing the girl population of the world.
Also, gay people are disgusting and creepy. That makes worse results for us.
PS : this method can be used to save multiple male celebrities by pairing them up. Like how they paired Martin Lawrence and Will Smith in Bad Boys, Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint in Harry Potter, Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp in POC, John Clooney and Brad Pitt in Oceans 11+, Shia LeDouche and Bumblebee in Transformers, Optimus Prime and Megatron in Transformers 2, Benjamin and Sameed in Teleporter, etc
Some pairings shouldn't be done. If we pair Robert Pattison and Zac Efron, then there will be only men left on this planet along with few women [lesbians, comatose patients, blind, old, transsexual, cartoon characters]
- Kill him
Easy way to relieve all this can be by killing him. Its not a new thing, its been done many times. Elvis Presley, Bruce Lee, and many other lees were poisoned for the same reason. Recently even Michael Jackson was poisoned for that. Only difference is that he was poisoned by women to stop men from being attracted to him and turning gay and also to stop him from molesting ...... what? bit too early to joke about it?..
Advantage: We don't get to listen the silly whining of girls about him. Also we get rid of him for good.
Disadvantage : Girls die again. And remaining girls hate you for killing him.
- Replace him!
When there are people like me in the public, why should you worry? Help me be a celebrity and I'll get the chance of ruining his image through the media like Kanye West does. BTW Kanye West should die. Like Mr Garrison said, "die! you go to hell and die!"
All one has to do to become Robert Pattison is stop taking bath, lose all expressions and act like you just recovered from a coma and have short term memory loss. And sprinkle glitter on your chest and strip in the sunlight. As a matter of fact, I'm ready for this!! [look at pic!]
For the info of all who don't know, the only thing I hate as much as Kanye West...well, okay not as much as him but nearly as much as him, is Twilight. I personally think it is the gayest novel I've ever read. Now I know how it feels to be inside a girls head. Very uncomfortable. As far as the movie is concerned, I don't hate it as much 'coz the chick who plays Bella Swan [ridiculous name btw], Kristen Stewart is hot! I saw her first in this movie Sameed had given me - Into the Wild. It was about some guy who leaves home for camping across USA. She plays a 16year old in it...almost ----- scene and all. And then she came in the end of Jumper as the protagonist's step-sister. One word for her....actually one sentence -
"Sleepy eyed petite smokin hottie"Its 2:30 am now. I came online just to post this. Sleepless nights.....
Rahul RK
~You lift my feet off the ground, spin me around
You make me Crazier, crazier, crazier............. ~
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